hisposition see you later

See You Later

I’ve been hesitant to write this because I wasn’t sure how transparent I wanted to be. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to share. The close relative I mentioned in my last article passed away April 13th. She was my Aunt, but she was more like a mother to me. She raised me from age 6 to age 16. My Mother had me at a young age, and my aunt stepped in to help. I won’t give a full history but suffice to say she was extremely important to me. I thought I was going home for her surgery, but found out the day before my flight she was being brought home for home hospice the day I was to arrive. Upon her being brought home, my mom and I spent the next 4 days taking care of her. I would stay up until around 3:30 am and then she would relieve me so I could get some sleep. It was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. My aunt spent 30 years in the U.S. Marine Corps and made it to E-9…the highest rank an enlisted person can obtain. In short…she was a strong woman. To see her in the state she was in led me to break down in tears on multiple occasions. I was watching her die. And there wasn’t anything I could do about it. So many memories. I just knew she would be in my life at least another 10 years…and yet here we were at the end. I kept asking God not to let her suffer, and that she deserved better than this. On the fourth day…early that morning…I watched her take her final breath. I can’t believe she’s gone. It happened so fast. I find solace in knowing she’s at peace. It’s the people left behind who have to deal with the loss. She couldn’t speak, but she could understand what was being said. I told her I don’t want her to go…but I won’t be selfish…and that when she’s ready to go…go. I’m an extremely private person, so this is outside of the norm for me. Only a select few get to hear my innermost thoughts. I share a lot with people…but at the same time…they still never really know me. My emotions are still raw, but the intensity of the waves is diminishing. Maybe next time I’ll write about something uplifting. But in this moment, I can only give a little advice. Tell your loved ones you love them every chance you get. You never know when it will be the last time.